I just think we have a lot in common ... aside from the fact that you receive a lot more mail. For starters, we were both born in January. You enjoy making people laugh; I enjoy laughing. You're a lesbian; I love gay people. We both like the color blue. You work two jobs; I work two jobs. In fact, I'm writing this letter on a cocktail napkin at job #2, where I moonlight in a Manhattan lounge as a server of overpriced alcohol. And where, coincidentally, I have a coworker, who made the top 50 on American Idol, Season 3. Simon told her that she is a girl that does everything well, and you now moonlight as his fellow judge. This is your first season on America Idol; this is my first season to actually watch it. I work during the week in the office of someone famous [job #1]. You have regular, unknown people working for you at your primary place of employment. You tape a new episode of your television show five days a week; I record all new episodes. My boss also has a nationally-syndicated television show, and while you recently celebrated 1100 shows, I will soon be celebrating my 11,000th day. Yes, just like you, I'm also counting things that are important. You were on the cover of O magazine; I bought a copy. You think Portia is beautiful; so do I. You have a cool mom; I have a cool mom. You would like to conquer the world, and I'd like you to help me help you. That takes money.
Let me know what you think.