Wednesday, February 17, 2010

A Letter to Ellen

Dear Ellen,

I just think we have a lot in common ... aside from the fact that you receive a lot more mail. For starters, we were both born in January. You enjoy making people laugh; I enjoy laughing. You're a lesbian; I love gay people. We both like the color blue. You work two jobs; I work two jobs. In fact, I'm writing this letter on a cocktail napkin at job #2, where I moonlight in a Manhattan lounge as a server of overpriced alcohol. And where, coincidentally, I have a coworker, who made the top 50 on American Idol, Season 3. Simon told her that she is a girl that does everything well, and you now moonlight as his fellow judge. This is your first season on America Idol; this is my first season to actually watch it. I work during the week in the office of someone famous [job #1]. You have regular, unknown people working for you at your primary place of employment. You tape a new episode of your television show five days a week; I record all new episodes. My boss also has a nationally-syndicated television show, and while you recently celebrated 1100 shows, I will soon be celebrating my 11,000th day. Yes, just like you, I'm also counting things that are important. You were on the cover of O magazine; I bought a copy. You think Portia is beautiful; so do I. You have a cool mom; I have a cool mom. You would like to conquer the world, and I'd like you to help me help you. That takes money.

Let me know what you think.



Monique said...

"Ellenspeed", hahaha!

Anonymous said...

Katie that was funny...yet stalker-ish